I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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