sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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