I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
