When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
