just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We left the knife in your bed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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