I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I will die if light touches me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
