I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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