My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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