Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
