the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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