I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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