It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that