To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
