I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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