So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
