we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
