put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
