Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
