just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
