I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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