i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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