If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
