God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
