yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
