I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
