remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
