I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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