you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
