Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
