I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he fucked my hip out of place.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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