im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
