I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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