hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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