I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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