Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
