Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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