you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
