i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
