He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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