I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
