From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm passing your future prison.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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