That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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