everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
