I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
