im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
