and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
