Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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