I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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