I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
