dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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