sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
