It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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