I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
