I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
