he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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