Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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