I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't turn off my feet"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
