What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
