cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?