ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.