If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule