Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
