Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
