so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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