I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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