There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
