Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They have beer where we have blood.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
