I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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