One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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