I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
