My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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