do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
