Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
