And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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