My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
