Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
