Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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