His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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