toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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