And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
