we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
