sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
