New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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