I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
