In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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